How Not to Let Your Family Squeeze

Jeff Motske, CFP®

October 8, 2018

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Your Financial Future Family ties are amazing. These connections, based in DNA, history and genuine care, can prompt many to support their loved ones through times of need, be it emotional, physical and even financial. It is natural to want to support your family, but the players involved can double (or even triple or quadruple in cases of blended families), increasing the financial strain. Since these familial situations can snowball quite quickly, I urge you to focus first on your own financial independence and be sure not to let your parents and your children squeeze your financial future. While many hate to be a burden on their family, it’s actually quite common for people to financially assist other family members. According to Ameritrade’s Financial Support Study, one-fifth of Americans are Financial Supporters, meaning they provide financial support to a parent and/or an adult child.1 A survey conducted by GoBankingRates found that 63 percent of children plan to financially support their parents in some way once they retire.2 On the other end, parents are also financially supporting their grown children. Per Financial Planning OWS, 24% are helping with rent and 39% are paying cell phone bills.3

My primary advice is to always pay yourself first. Be sure to establish a healthy emergency fund and contribute to your retirement. It’s similar to what you hear on airplanes about placing the oxygen mask on yourself before placing it on others. You need to be sure that you are fiscally secure before you provide for those who are financially struggling. This is very sound, logical advice, which can be difficult to follow once emotions come into play.

Most of the decisions I see my clients struggle with are when the emotional and the financials are at odds. When your daughter wants to go to that expensive, out-of-state college that you didn’t save enough for, it’s tempting to try to make it work, whatever means necessary. Or perhaps your son is going through a costly divorce, and the only way you feel you can support him and ensure you see your grandkids is to borrow from your retirement to hire him a good lawyer. These are the moments when you need to be able to tell your child and yourself, “No”. In most cases, there are other options and alternatives in place. They may not be the dream situation, but they will still get the job done. Don’t sacrifice your future for your child’s dream, no matter how compelling. Don’t let emotions cloud good judgment.

On the other end of the spectrum, is a harsh reality. When dealing with parents who may not have planned sufficiently or are in the midst of a financial crisis, be sure that you are communicating as one adult to another. If possible, you may want to tackle those financial conversations early. Some of these difficult financial conversations with parents are tied to medical issues, so be sure to discuss before physical situations become dire.

When you find yourself in the midst of these difficult situations, please don’t forget about your support system. Your financial advisor can act as an unbiased referee in moments of disagreement or emotional struggle. They will likely remember the important financial issues that may slip your mind and will be ruled by numbers rather than nostalgia. At the moments when you need a pragmatic perspective to shine through the cloud of emotions, a trusted financial advisor can be invaluable.

In a time where many people find themselves part of the Sandwich Generation, taking on financial burdens can seem inevitable. Yet, so much can be avoided and accomplished when you act in advance. Start chatting with mom and dad while they’re still in good physical and financial health. Start saving for colleges as early as possible. When you’re proactive, you can prepare. When you’re reactive, people and finances can take a hit.

1. Will

A will is the cornerstone of any estate plan. This legal document outlines how you want your assets distributed and names an executor to oversee the process. A will can also designate guardians for minor children, ensuring their care and well-being. Without a will, your estate may undergo a lengthy and costly probate process, and your wishes may not be honored.

2. Letter of Intent

A letter of intent is a personal document that complements your will. While it is not legally binding, it can provide clarity and guidance to your executor and loved ones about your wishes. This letter can include details about asset distribution, heirlooms, and even funeral arrangements. Updating your letter of intent regularly ensures that it reflects your current wishes.

3. Power of Attorney

A power of attorney document allows you to appoint someone you trust to handle your financial and legal affairs if you become incapacitated. This person, often a family member or close friend, can manage your assets, pay bills, and make important decisions on your behalf. Understanding your state’s specific regulations can help you make informed decisions about this designation.

4. Health Care Directives

Health care directives are essential for addressing your medical needs in emergencies. Key documents include:

Living Will: Specifies your medical care preferences if you become incapacitated.
Durable Medical Power of Attorney: Authorizes someone to make medical decisions on your behalf.
HIPAA Release Clause: Allows medical professionals to share your health information with your designated proxy.

5. Estate Planning for Second and Third Marriages

Subsequent marriages add complexity to estate planning. Consider the following:

Prenuptial Agreements: Protect assets and provide clarity on ownership.
Updated Legal Documents: Ensure your estate plan reflects your new family structure.
Beneficiary Considerations: Update beneficiaries to include your new spouse, if desired.

6. Guardianship Designations

If you have minor children, naming guardians in your estate plan is vital. This ensures that someone you trust will care for your children if you are unable to do so. Consider naming a backup guardian as an additional safeguard.

7. Trusts

Trusts offer a flexible and private way to manage and distribute your assets. Benefits of trusts include:

Avoiding probate
Maintaining privacy
Providing effective asset management
Offering control over beneficiary distributions

8. Multi-Generational Wealth Planning

Multi-generational wealth planning is essential for ensuring that your financial legacy benefits future generations. This involves creating strategies that protect and grow your assets while considering the needs of your children and grandchildren.

9. Trust Fund Manager

A trust fund manager plays a critical role in managing and distributing your assets according to your wishes. This professional ensures that the trust operates smoothly and that beneficiaries receive their designated assets without delays or legal complications.

10. Advanced Estate Planning Strategies

Advanced estate planning strategies are designed to address the unique needs of high-net-worth individuals. These strategies may include setting up complex trusts, charitable giving, and tax optimization techniques to preserve and grow your wealth.

11. Philanthropic Financial Planning

Philanthropic financial planning allows you to support causes you care about while benefiting from potential tax advantages. Discovering philanthropic financial planning opportunities can help you make a positive impact while strategically managing your estate.

The Takeaway –

Creating a comprehensive estate plan involves careful consideration of various legal documents and strategies. At Trilogy Financial, we specialize in estate planning for high net worth families and individuals, providing tailored solutions to meet your unique needs.

Our team of estate planning lawyers for high net worth families and high net worth estate planning attorneys are here to guide you through every step of the process. If you have questions or need assistance, please reach out to us. We are here to help.

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Family & Relationships Advice

Everyone Needs To Know: Pitfalls of Designating One Person in a Family to be in Charge of Finances

Jeff Motske, CFP®

May 22, 2018

“I have no interest in learning about finances. My [husband/wife] takes care of that.”

I have heard this statement from many clients throughout my career, and I understand the sentiment that prompts this response. Human nature has shown that when groups of people come together, they divvy up tasks to different individuals based on their strengths or roles in the group. You see this in many different groups, including families. My wife cooks dinner, and I’m great at taking out the garbage. With my siblings, I’m great at being the peacemaker while my sister knows how to shine a light on different perspectives. These established roles help our family units function smoothly and effectively…

Until one of the pieces of our unit is no longer around.

I’ve seen it far too many times. Clients come in distraught and overwhelmed because they’ve lost a loved one who typically acted as the family’s Chief Financial Officer. Sometimes they don’t know if there is a will or where legal documents are saved. Perhaps they are aware of a family safety deposit box, but they’re not sure where it is or how to access it. They aren’t sure about account balances or how to read statements. They may not even have access to critical accounts because the deceased was the one who knew the passwords. Now they are dealing with grief and heartbreak, compounded by confusion as to what the next steps are for maintaining their family’s financial solvency.

This is why I insist that both parties in a marriage are involved in financial planning meetings and decisions. I also recommend, especially for my senior clients, that other family members or loved ones are aware of the basics of their financial plans. It makes things so much simpler if all important documents, including a list of passwords, are stored together. If security is a concern, there are plenty of third party vendors that will virtually store that information for you. In most cases, though, a virtual safekeeper of your important information isn’t ideal. What is really needed is someone who will help guide your loved ones during that difficult time. That’s when a financial advisor can be an invaluable asset. I have had many Trilogy clients express how relieved they are to know that their financial advisor will be around to guide and assist the loved ones after he or she has passed. At Trilogy Financial, we don’t consider it a job. We consider it an honor and a calling.

There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child. The truth is, it takes a village to care for anyone. Please make sure that your village is prepared and has the proper tools to take care of you. If you’re not sure where to begin, you may want to meet with a financial advisor. Our Trilogy Advisors are not only trained to assist your family on how to prepare for the future, but will also be there to provide support and service during a difficult and overwhelming time.