4 Ways to Take the Taboo Out of Talking About Money with Your Spouse

By
Jeff Motske, CFP®
November 26, 2018
Share on:

Money is a commonly held taboo topic, like politics and religion. We just don’t feel comfortable talking about them – especially to people we care about. That’s because these topics are tied closely to how we view ourselves. These topics also garner a lot of judgment, and the last thing we want is to be judged on something that we feel is intrinsically linked to our intelligence or sense of maturity. Yet, by practicing a few simple tips, we can start tackling the taboo topic of family finances and get on that path to financial independence.

Be Honest

It is human nature to want to hide things we may not be proud of or want to avoid. Perhaps you charged a bit too much to your credit cards or haven’t saved as much as you planned for all of your family’s goals. You may want to avoid addressing such issues, but those who are part of your financial household need to know the honest, unvarnished state of your finances. Trying to hide the facts will just compound your issues when they come to light – and they will.

Be Frequent

Don’t just talk about money when money is a problem. That’s when stress levels are high and emotions are frayed. What needs to be a level-headed discussion can quickly escalate into an emotional shouting match. Instead, conversations about finances should become routine. If you schedule a monthly financial date night with your spouse, the frequent exposure will minimize the surprise and anxiety from these talks. Ultimately, there will be fewer surprises and more planning to help when unexpected or hard decisions need to be made.

Be Open to Feedback

You and your spouse are a team. Teams succeed by working together towards the same goals. Teammates, though, don’t always see things the same way and may have different approaches to the same objective. That’s why it’s important to get your spouse’s input on how your finances are being managed. Not only does your spouse’s input ensure you’re working towards the same goals, but different perspectives can also provide multiple solutions to financial issues. Most importantly, your spouse feels heard and validated, which is a precious thing to give to the one you love.

Be Non-Judgmental

What causes many to shy away from discussing finances is the idea that they will be judged for things they did or did not do with their money. Did you mismanage your funds and refrain from saving sufficiently? Were you too risky with your investments or not risky enough to provide for the household? To avoid the judgment, most will just avoid talking about their finances all together, which doesn’t often have good outcomes. Avoidance doesn’t help financial situations – it often just prolongs the mess. To help your spouse open up, it is beneficial to allow them to speak openly and freely and to listen without judgment.

I do believe that it is imperative to take the taboo out of talking about money with your spouse. Both of you should foster frequent and honest financial discussions, free of strife and judgment. Doing these things will allow you to solidify yourselves as a strong financial team and set you on your path for collective financial independence.

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

You may also like:

By
Mike Loo, MBA
March 1, 2018

Over the course of working with so many individuals and families, I’ve found that many people think financial planning, investing, and retirement planning are a sprint to the finish line. While on paper, maxing out your 401(k) each year and building an all-stock portfolio for maximum growth potential seems like a good plan, fast and big investing can actually slow down your progress to your goals. Let’s look at why.

The Dangers of Little Liquidity I always enjoy working with enthusiastic young couples who want to do everything in their power to reach their desired retirement. However, in the process of focusing on their long-term retirement goals, they neglect their short-term needs.

For many of my clients in their 20s and 30s, I may recommend contributing enough to their 401(k) to get the employer match, if one is offered, and contribute some of their paycheck to build an emergency fund and savings. This can help them avoid focusing so much on their long-term retirement goals that they neglect their short-term goals, from buying a house to paying off student loan debt. I generally recommend that my clients build a reserve fund that can cover three to six months’ worth of living expenses.

Dipping Your Toes In Versus Diving Head First

I said it earlier but I’ll say it again; investing and financial planning is a marathon, not a sprint. I’d much rather be the tortoise—slow yet steady and consistent—than the hare—fast yet unpredictable—when it comes to my investing strategy.

One of the more underrated strategies for financial security is making consistent and periodic contributions to your portfolio over a long period of time. As I mentioned earlier, younger individuals and families may not have the income yet to max out their 401(k), but they can make consistent contributions and increase them over time as their income increases. Like the tortoise, saving for retirement and other long-term goals is all about perseverance and consistency, even if it is at a slower pace.

It’s easy to let emotions get in the way, and many investors fall prey to the newest investment strategy that claims a higher return on investment. But the fact of the matter is, there is no controlling or predicting the market. I tell my clients that instead of focusing on what they can’t control, it’s helpful to focus on what they can control: the capital they invest.

Whether the markets are high or low, consistent contributions can have a powerful long-term effect. Additionally, maintaining a well-diversified portfolio and rebalancing if needed each year can help ensure your portfolio matches the appropriate level of risk you’re willing to take. Adhering to this motto and disciplined strategy can help you avoid the common trap investors fall into: buying high and selling low, and chasing high returns.

The Risks of Aggressive Investing

Too often, financial advisors tell young individuals in their 20s and 30s to keep close to 100% of their portfolio in stocks. The theory is that young investors have decades to ride out volatility and make up for any lost returns. While this may work for some individuals, I’ve had a number of younger clients who don’t feel comfortable taking such risks, even if they have decades to try to make up for losses.

Investing entirely in stocks isn’t necessarily the way to go, even if it makes sense on paper. It’s nearly impossible to entirely remove emotions from investing. Too often, I’ve seen investors give up when their portfolio takes a big hit. They lose motivation to keep investing, and they struggle to keep their eyes on the finish line of their long-term goals.

Incorporating investments, like bonds, that offer lower returns and lower risk, may help you feel more confident in your portfolio and avoid the rollercoaster of emotions if your portfolio takes a hit during a downturn.

Next Steps

Like the tortoise and the hare, fast investments don’t mean you’ll reach the finish line first. While it can be difficult, it’s important to tune out the noise of the media and focus instead on what strategies make sense for your unique situation, risk tolerance, and short and long-term goals. While not as exciting, I believe slow and steady can win the race, and without as many speed bumps along the way.

As an independent financial advisor, my mission is to make a meaningful impact on the lives of my clients and the people they love. I help families make informed decisions with their money and pursue a strong financial future. If you’re interested in learning more about balancing your short and long-term goals, I encourage you to reach out to me. Call my office at (949) 221-8105 x 2128, or email me at michael.loo@lpl.com.

By Trilogy Financial
April 18, 2022

Financial advisory firms have historically endured a bad reputation ­– either because they were too expensive, or they only helped people with lots of money to invest, or they were trying to sell clients a product or plan that didn’t align with the heart of their goals and situation. Too many Americans don’t think they can afford a Financial Advisor and planning services. Too many of them avoid partnering with an Advisor because they don’t think they have enough money to meet some criteria. But those are often the people who could benefit from a financial coach the most! It’s also the largest population in America. That’s why we founded Trilogy Financial almost 30 years ago – to provide a true fiduciary and financial coach to everyday Americans who want to live the best life possible. Our goal at Trilogy was to create something different, something people hadn’t seen before. And over the last 25 years, we’ve been evolving the firm and honing our practices to improve the financial planning industry and make an Advisor accessible to everyone.

A Purpose Driven Financial Advisor and Coach

In Trilogy Financial’s beginnings, our vision and purpose was to help Financial Advisors be better Advisors so they could help more people. However, as time has gone on, that’s evolved into something bigger. Now our purpose is to help everyday Americans gain financial independence. They are the group of people that often struggle to achieve their financial goals, and we want to focus and help those that need advice. This is the culture we’ve built today. Our Advisors want to help as many people as they can, and we’re on a mission to make those Advisors more productive so that can help provide more for our clients. That is purpose-driven business.

How to Make Financial Advisors More Productive For Clients

Most financial advisory and planning firms have an advisor-led service model, and there’s nothing wrong with that – except that not all Advisors have service as their strong suit. As a Financial Advisor, many people perceive our job is to advise people how to save and spend their money. But we believe it takes more than that to make an impact. We’re striving to build what we call a “trust transfer” where our Advisors spend more time advising clients, building Life Plans, and making recommendations, and a service team does what they do best. This is how we’re optimizing our operations at Trilogy for the benefit of our clients. This service team consists of a group of people with a distinct culture and skillset that will deliver great, helpful service to our clients. This is contrary to what’s “the norm” for financial advisory firms – and that’s exactly why we’re doing it. This is part of our efforts to bring quality financial planning and advice to everyday Americans.

Introducing the Mack Service Center

The Mack Service Center is a robust client experience service center that was Trilogy’s late co-founder Kevin “Mack” Mackintosh’s vision for the firm. His core focus was to build a meaningful client service team to support Advisors so they could do what they do best – financial planning – and provide the clients with a high quality experience. Mack designed and developed the Trilogy Service Team based on what he learned over the years as an Eagle Scout, rowing crew member and in his time in the financial planning business. From day one, he had a clear vision of what Trilogy could accomplish when we all worked together and focused on service. A few years back, he took the ball and really got it rolling for this project. He found the right people to lead it and get it off the ground. Right before his untimely passing in early 2020, he had nearly completed building the Service Center team vision. Following his loss, under the leadership of our founder/President, Jeff Motske, in conjunction with Eric Perkins – we built out the actual Service Center, team, outlined processes, operations and more. Kevin Mackintosh instilled the right attitude, built the right culture and we’re proud to name our Mack Service Center after him so his legacy lives on.

The Future of Trilogy Financial and the Mack Service Center

 Our goal is to have a well-regarded Advisor in front of every everyday American.  Too many financial advisory firms want to work with high-net-worth individuals, but it’s those who are 52 years old with $400,000 in their retirement who really need our support and education to get to where they want and need to be. These are everyday Americans, and they deserve for someone to help them pursue their dreams. And we’re changing that. We rolled out the Mack Service Center team this year to support our Financial Advisors’ current planning efforts with each client. This is our way of connecting the financial planning industry back with the real-life issues of Americans and helping each of them plan and live the life of their dreams.

Get Started on Your Financial Life Plan Today