How Not to Let Your Family Squeeze

By
Jeff Motske, CFP®
October 8, 2018
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Your Financial Future Family ties are amazing. These connections, based in DNA, history and genuine care, can prompt many to support their loved ones through times of need, be it emotional, physical and even financial. It is natural to want to support your family, but the players involved can double (or even triple or quadruple in cases of blended families), increasing the financial strain. Since these familial situations can snowball quite quickly, I urge you to focus first on your own financial independence and be sure not to let your parents and your children squeeze your financial future. While many hate to be a burden on their family, it’s actually quite common for people to financially assist other family members. According to Ameritrade’s Financial Support Study, one-fifth of Americans are Financial Supporters, meaning they provide financial support to a parent and/or an adult child.1 A survey conducted by GoBankingRates found that 63 percent of children plan to financially support their parents in some way once they retire.2 On the other end, parents are also financially supporting their grown children. Per Financial Planning OWS, 24% are helping with rent and 39% are paying cell phone bills.3

My primary advice is to always pay yourself first. Be sure to establish a healthy emergency fund and contribute to your retirement. It’s similar to what you hear on airplanes about placing the oxygen mask on yourself before placing it on others. You need to be sure that you are fiscally secure before you provide for those who are financially struggling. This is very sound, logical advice, which can be difficult to follow once emotions come into play.

Most of the decisions I see my clients struggle with are when the emotional and the financials are at odds. When your daughter wants to go to that expensive, out-of-state college that you didn’t save enough for, it’s tempting to try to make it work, whatever means necessary. Or perhaps your son is going through a costly divorce, and the only way you feel you can support him and ensure you see your grandkids is to borrow from your retirement to hire him a good lawyer. These are the moments when you need to be able to tell your child and yourself, “No”. In most cases, there are other options and alternatives in place. They may not be the dream situation, but they will still get the job done. Don’t sacrifice your future for your child’s dream, no matter how compelling. Don’t let emotions cloud good judgment.

On the other end of the spectrum, is a harsh reality. When dealing with parents who may not have planned sufficiently or are in the midst of a financial crisis, be sure that you are communicating as one adult to another. If possible, you may want to tackle those financial conversations early. Some of these difficult financial conversations with parents are tied to medical issues, so be sure to discuss before physical situations become dire.

When you find yourself in the midst of these difficult situations, please don’t forget about your support system. Your financial advisor can act as an unbiased referee in moments of disagreement or emotional struggle. They will likely remember the important financial issues that may slip your mind and will be ruled by numbers rather than nostalgia. At the moments when you need a pragmatic perspective to shine through the cloud of emotions, a trusted financial advisor can be invaluable.

In a time where many people find themselves part of the Sandwich Generation, taking on financial burdens can seem inevitable. Yet, so much can be avoided and accomplished when you act in advance. Start chatting with mom and dad while they’re still in good physical and financial health. Start saving for colleges as early as possible. When you’re proactive, you can prepare. When you’re reactive, people and finances can take a hit.

  1. https://s1.q4cdn.com/959385532/files/doc_downloads/research/TDA-Financial-Support-Study-2015.pdf
  2. https://www.gobankingrates.com/retirement/planning/kids-plan-financially-support-parents-retirement/
  3. https://www.forbes.com/sites/carolynrosenblatt/2018/07/09/aging-parents-helping-adult-children-financially-unhealthy-results/#321bb1e2ef39

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By
David McDonough
July 2, 2019

Words are power, and each word has its own weight and energy. Words have inspired people to stand up for what they believe in or hang their head down in defeat. Therefore, choosing the right words to describe that which you want to manifest is very important.

For example, when speaking of aspirations for the future, there are those who use the words dreams and goals interchangeably. However, they ae distinctively different in definition and performance. A dream is boundless, fueled by your passion and imagination. However, it is akin to fantasy, with no immediate call to bring it to life. When someone tells me they dream of owning a sports car or starting their own business, I know most of the work to make that dream a reality hasn’t taken place and probably won’t for the foreseeable future.

A goal, on the other hand, is the mapwork to that dream, concrete and behavior-driven. When you have a goal, you have markers, measurements and steps to get to the destination. Setting the right goals, especially when it pertains to financial goals, can have a significant effect on how and when you achieve them. In fact, a guide to good goal-setting has long been to make it S.M.A.R.T.1:

Specific: if we are truly making a map towards our goals, telling ourselves to go in a general direction or for an undefined distance is most likely only going to get us lost. Steps towards our dreams have to be detailed and specific.

Measurable: When a goal is measurable, there is a way to track your progress to stay motivated or identify issues that may need problem-solving.

Attainable: It is admirable to be striving for something grand and lofty. However, it’s imperative that we have feasible goals that we can accomplish to keep us motivated and actually accomplish said goal.

Relevant: Having impressive goals are fine and dandy, but if they don’t move you closer to your overall goals or work against other goals you may have, it may be time to rethink them.

Time Bound: Once something has been stated as a goal, the stop watch has started. There is an expectation of completion, which is necessary to keep us moving forward towards that goal. It may not get completed in the expected timeframe, but just by having a deadline, we can stay accountable.

Based on this description of a S.M.A.R.T., you can see that there is a difference between, “I’m going to start saving money for a house,” and “I’m going to put 15% of my paycheck into a savings account specifically designated for my eventual down payment, and I should have enough saved after 3 years.” One expresses a desire while the other one lays out a concrete plan to achieve the goal.

If one seems to be fueling the other, how can a dream inhibit a goal? Well, one way is when your lifestyle fits with your dream rather than your goals. To achieve many financial goals like saving for retirement or buying a home, one needs to save and stick to a budget. However, if you fail to save and incrementally work towards the goals, it will take longer and longer to see results. Worse is if you choose to skip the incremental steps and live your dreamer’s lifestyle by using credit cards. The debt you accumulate will take you farther and farther from your goals and possible put you in an unfortunate and stressful predicament.

Sometimes when we haven’t developed a goal for a dream, it’s vagueness can work against an already established goal. Perhaps a good friend asks you to go into business with them. If you choose to pour funds into this new endeavor without any parameters, you may find yourself taking funds away from saving for retirement or depleting savings you already had. Of course, if you had outlined your goal on how to contribute to your friend’s business, with specific and timely parameters, the situation could be completely different.

Please understand that I’m not asking you to stop dreaming. In fact, quite the opposite. I happen wake up every day saying, “Dream Big! Work Hard! Laugh often!” I sign letters and thank you notes and end employee meetings with those very words. Dreaming is important.

So please know I want you to dream big and bold. At the same time, I want you to buckle down and create some S.M.A.R.T. goals to propel you closer to your dreams.

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/smart-goals.htm

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

By
Mike Loo, MBA
March 1, 2018

Over the course of working with so many individuals and families, I’ve found that many people think financial planning, investing, and retirement planning are a sprint to the finish line. While on paper, maxing out your 401(k) each year and building an all-stock portfolio for maximum growth potential seems like a good plan, fast and big investing can actually slow down your progress to your goals. Let’s look at why.

The Dangers of Little Liquidity I always enjoy working with enthusiastic young couples who want to do everything in their power to reach their desired retirement. However, in the process of focusing on their long-term retirement goals, they neglect their short-term needs.

For many of my clients in their 20s and 30s, I may recommend contributing enough to their 401(k) to get the employer match, if one is offered, and contribute some of their paycheck to build an emergency fund and savings. This can help them avoid focusing so much on their long-term retirement goals that they neglect their short-term goals, from buying a house to paying off student loan debt. I generally recommend that my clients build a reserve fund that can cover three to six months’ worth of living expenses.

Dipping Your Toes In Versus Diving Head First

I said it earlier but I’ll say it again; investing and financial planning is a marathon, not a sprint. I’d much rather be the tortoise—slow yet steady and consistent—than the hare—fast yet unpredictable—when it comes to my investing strategy.

One of the more underrated strategies for financial security is making consistent and periodic contributions to your portfolio over a long period of time. As I mentioned earlier, younger individuals and families may not have the income yet to max out their 401(k), but they can make consistent contributions and increase them over time as their income increases. Like the tortoise, saving for retirement and other long-term goals is all about perseverance and consistency, even if it is at a slower pace.

It’s easy to let emotions get in the way, and many investors fall prey to the newest investment strategy that claims a higher return on investment. But the fact of the matter is, there is no controlling or predicting the market. I tell my clients that instead of focusing on what they can’t control, it’s helpful to focus on what they can control: the capital they invest.

Whether the markets are high or low, consistent contributions can have a powerful long-term effect. Additionally, maintaining a well-diversified portfolio and rebalancing if needed each year can help ensure your portfolio matches the appropriate level of risk you’re willing to take. Adhering to this motto and disciplined strategy can help you avoid the common trap investors fall into: buying high and selling low, and chasing high returns.

The Risks of Aggressive Investing

Too often, financial advisors tell young individuals in their 20s and 30s to keep close to 100% of their portfolio in stocks. The theory is that young investors have decades to ride out volatility and make up for any lost returns. While this may work for some individuals, I’ve had a number of younger clients who don’t feel comfortable taking such risks, even if they have decades to try to make up for losses.

Investing entirely in stocks isn’t necessarily the way to go, even if it makes sense on paper. It’s nearly impossible to entirely remove emotions from investing. Too often, I’ve seen investors give up when their portfolio takes a big hit. They lose motivation to keep investing, and they struggle to keep their eyes on the finish line of their long-term goals.

Incorporating investments, like bonds, that offer lower returns and lower risk, may help you feel more confident in your portfolio and avoid the rollercoaster of emotions if your portfolio takes a hit during a downturn.

Next Steps

Like the tortoise and the hare, fast investments don’t mean you’ll reach the finish line first. While it can be difficult, it’s important to tune out the noise of the media and focus instead on what strategies make sense for your unique situation, risk tolerance, and short and long-term goals. While not as exciting, I believe slow and steady can win the race, and without as many speed bumps along the way.

As an independent financial advisor, my mission is to make a meaningful impact on the lives of my clients and the people they love. I help families make informed decisions with their money and pursue a strong financial future. If you’re interested in learning more about balancing your short and long-term goals, I encourage you to reach out to me. Call my office at (949) 221-8105 x 2128, or email me at michael.loo@lpl.com.

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