How Not to Let Your Family Squeeze

Jeff Motske, CFP®

October 8, 2018

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Your Financial Future Family ties are amazing. These connections, based in DNA, history and genuine care, can prompt many to support their loved ones through times of need, be it emotional, physical and even financial. It is natural to want to support your family, but the players involved can double (or even triple or quadruple in cases of blended families), increasing the financial strain. Since these familial situations can snowball quite quickly, I urge you to focus first on your own financial independence and be sure not to let your parents and your children squeeze your financial future. While many hate to be a burden on their family, it’s actually quite common for people to financially assist other family members. According to Ameritrade’s Financial Support Study, one-fifth of Americans are Financial Supporters, meaning they provide financial support to a parent and/or an adult child.1 A survey conducted by GoBankingRates found that 63 percent of children plan to financially support their parents in some way once they retire.2 On the other end, parents are also financially supporting their grown children. Per Financial Planning OWS, 24% are helping with rent and 39% are paying cell phone bills.3

My primary advice is to always pay yourself first. Be sure to establish a healthy emergency fund and contribute to your retirement. It’s similar to what you hear on airplanes about placing the oxygen mask on yourself before placing it on others. You need to be sure that you are fiscally secure before you provide for those who are financially struggling. This is very sound, logical advice, which can be difficult to follow once emotions come into play.

Most of the decisions I see my clients struggle with are when the emotional and the financials are at odds. When your daughter wants to go to that expensive, out-of-state college that you didn’t save enough for, it’s tempting to try to make it work, whatever means necessary. Or perhaps your son is going through a costly divorce, and the only way you feel you can support him and ensure you see your grandkids is to borrow from your retirement to hire him a good lawyer. These are the moments when you need to be able to tell your child and yourself, “No”. In most cases, there are other options and alternatives in place. They may not be the dream situation, but they will still get the job done. Don’t sacrifice your future for your child’s dream, no matter how compelling. Don’t let emotions cloud good judgment.

On the other end of the spectrum, is a harsh reality. When dealing with parents who may not have planned sufficiently or are in the midst of a financial crisis, be sure that you are communicating as one adult to another. If possible, you may want to tackle those financial conversations early. Some of these difficult financial conversations with parents are tied to medical issues, so be sure to discuss before physical situations become dire.

When you find yourself in the midst of these difficult situations, please don’t forget about your support system. Your financial advisor can act as an unbiased referee in moments of disagreement or emotional struggle. They will likely remember the important financial issues that may slip your mind and will be ruled by numbers rather than nostalgia. At the moments when you need a pragmatic perspective to shine through the cloud of emotions, a trusted financial advisor can be invaluable.

In a time where many people find themselves part of the Sandwich Generation, taking on financial burdens can seem inevitable. Yet, so much can be avoided and accomplished when you act in advance. Start chatting with mom and dad while they’re still in good physical and financial health. Start saving for colleges as early as possible. When you’re proactive, you can prepare. When you’re reactive, people and finances can take a hit.

Due to the nature of my profession, I am solicited for financial advice in all aspects of my life from all types of people. Similar to a doctor who gets asked about symptoms at birthday parties, people often ask for my opinion or input on financial matters, particularly investing. As most doctors will tell you, it’s hard to give advice when you don’t know the particulars.

However, if someone is really eager or serious for guidance on investing, I will suggest that they do their homework. The information they’re looking for isn’t found on the stock exchange or the Finance section of a newspaper. Most times, the information you need to start with is found a lot closer than you would expect.

The first thing to take into account are your financial goals. As I’ve mentioned before, being aware of your financial “why” can highlight good habits, change inefficient patterns, refocus priorities and ultimately develop a plan to help you achieve your financial freedom. Therefore, you need to be specific. Do you want to retire in 30 years? Perhaps you want to buy a house in five years or start a business in two. In these scenarios, your goals act as targets, and with the help of a good financial planner, you can develop an action plan with measurable steps to incrementally achieve them.

Another thing to be aware of is your risk tolerance. This isn’t a measure of whether you like to bungee cord jump or skydive. Rather, this is an indication of how much volatility in your investments you are comfortable with. This is something that needs to be determined for the individual as well as the household. Risk tolerance is a very personal indicator, and there are times that couples don’t see eye to eye. When new clients come in, we have them complete a risk tolerance questionnaire to not only to see how individuals may or may not be working together but to also figure out the most effective plan to achieve their goals. The last thing we want you to do is tackle investments that won’t achieve your goals in a timely.

As you can tell, these items are all very personal. What you’re saving for, how long and hard you’re willing to work towards your goals, and what your income and lifestyle needs are, both current and future, will all be factors in planning how to invest. I bring this up because so many clients come in referring to the advice their friends, neighbors or coworker gave them. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m all for educating one’s self. Let’s discuss your options. But please don’t think that investing in what your child’s Little League coach is investing in is automatically the best option for you.

Let me put it another way. I’ve been athletic all of my life, playing high school and college baseball and an avid golfer. Knowing that, I’m not going to start a new exercise regime with a leisurely walk around the block or bench pressing 400 pounds. It’s not that I don’t believe these fitness goals are valid – they’re just not valid for me. The same idea can be applied to your finances. If any of the factors I’ve mentioned are not aligned, you may discover that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and that you need to be wary of the barb wire in between.

I know it sounds odd, that investing should be more complicated. But the truth is knowing your financial self is much important than knowing the stock market when you first start investing.

Investment Insights

11 Things to Know: Advanced Estate Planning for High Net Worth Individuals

By Trilogy Financial

July 17, 2024

Estate planning consultants for high net worth families know that ensuring your financial assets are managed according to your wishes is crucial. At Trilogy Financial, we understand the importance of creating a comprehensive estate plan that addresses your unique needs and goals. Here are the critical elements of an effective estate plan to help you secure your financial future.

1. Will

A will is the cornerstone of any estate plan. This legal document outlines how you want your assets distributed and names an executor to oversee the process. A will can also designate guardians for minor children, ensuring their care and well-being. Without a will, your estate may undergo a lengthy and costly probate process, and your wishes may not be honored.

2. Letter of Intent

A letter of intent is a personal document that complements your will. While it is not legally binding, it can provide clarity and guidance to your executor and loved ones about your wishes. This letter can include details about asset distribution, heirlooms, and even funeral arrangements. Updating your letter of intent regularly ensures that it reflects your current wishes.

3. Power of Attorney

A power of attorney document allows you to appoint someone you trust to handle your financial and legal affairs if you become incapacitated. This person, often a family member or close friend, can manage your assets, pay bills, and make important decisions on your behalf. Understanding your state’s specific regulations can help you make informed decisions about this designation.

4. Health Care Directives

Health care directives are essential for addressing your medical needs in emergencies. Key documents include:

Living Will: Specifies your medical care preferences if you become incapacitated.
Durable Medical Power of Attorney: Authorizes someone to make medical decisions on your behalf.
HIPAA Release Clause: Allows medical professionals to share your health information with your designated proxy.

5. Estate Planning for Second and Third Marriages

Subsequent marriages add complexity to estate planning. Consider the following:

Prenuptial Agreements: Protect assets and provide clarity on ownership.
Updated Legal Documents: Ensure your estate plan reflects your new family structure.
Beneficiary Considerations: Update beneficiaries to include your new spouse, if desired.

6. Guardianship Designations

If you have minor children, naming guardians in your estate plan is vital. This ensures that someone you trust will care for your children if you are unable to do so. Consider naming a backup guardian as an additional safeguard.

7. Trusts

Trusts offer a flexible and private way to manage and distribute your assets. Benefits of trusts include:

Avoiding probate
Maintaining privacy
Providing effective asset management
Offering control over beneficiary distributions

8. Multi-Generational Wealth Planning

Multi-generational wealth planning is essential for ensuring that your financial legacy benefits future generations. This involves creating strategies that protect and grow your assets while considering the needs of your children and grandchildren.

9. Trust Fund Manager

A trust fund manager plays a critical role in managing and distributing your assets according to your wishes. This professional ensures that the trust operates smoothly and that beneficiaries receive their designated assets without delays or legal complications.

10. Advanced Estate Planning Strategies

Advanced estate planning strategies are designed to address the unique needs of high-net-worth individuals. These strategies may include setting up complex trusts, charitable giving, and tax optimization techniques to preserve and grow your wealth.

11. Philanthropic Financial Planning

Philanthropic financial planning allows you to support causes you care about while benefiting from potential tax advantages. Discovering philanthropic financial planning opportunities can help you make a positive impact while strategically managing your estate.

The Takeaway –

Creating a comprehensive estate plan involves careful consideration of various legal documents and strategies. At Trilogy Financial, we specialize in estate planning for high net worth families and individuals, providing tailored solutions to meet your unique needs.

Our team of estate planning lawyers for high net worth families and high net worth estate planning attorneys are here to guide you through every step of the process. If you have questions or need assistance, please reach out to us. We are here to help.

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Schedule a No-Strings-Attached Portfolio Review today and embark on a path to financial success guided by professional advisors. For more information and to schedule your consultation, visit www.trilogyfs.com/yourmoneyamplified. With the right knowledge and professional guidance, the journey of investing becomes an exciting venture towards achieving financial security and growth. This way, you're not just dreaming of an ideal retirement but actively working towards making it a reality.