Don’t Let Your Heartstrings Control Your Purse Strings

It’s no surprise that I often talk about the need to have a strong, supportive financial team to pursue financial independence. These financial teams can consist of a CPA, an estate planning attorney or a real estate agent, with your trusted financial advisor acting as the general manager of your team. While each one provides a specialized level of expertise, for individuals who are married, there is another person that can make or break your route to financial independence: your spouse. Often, we underestimate the value your spouse brings to your financial house, which is why it is so important to make them the MVP of your financial team.

In order to pursue financial independence, couples must be on the same page and work together towards common goals. For many, though, that is just not the case. Nearly half of U.S. couples argue over finances.[i] These disagreements can be based on resentment over spending rather than saving. Sometimes arguments arise over differing risk tolerance. The heart of these issues lies in goal mismatch, a situation that arises when your combined goals are not aligned. When you and your spouse are not working together towards your combined financial independence, chances of reaching it are slim.

While some couples argue, others simply don’t communicate. Both people in a marriage need to be involved in their finances, agreeing on their financial goals and the steps they’re taking to get there. Being unaware of your financial household, whether it’s because only one person in the relationship is in charge of the household finances or because both parties have decided to keep separate financial lives, simply causes problems. When you don’t know what the other is doing with their money, you can’t be sure that you’re both working towards the same goals in the most effective way. Additionally, you may be setting yourself up for unfortunate complications if your partner unexpectedly passes or becomes incapacitated. Honestly, I’d rather have my clients argue than avoid discussing finances. At least they’re talking about it.

So how do you and your spouse get on the same page? You can start by taking my financial compatibility quiz. Not only will the quiz show you what areas the two of you are like-minded and what areas you need to work on, but it’ll also give you the conversation starters to mine those areas you may not see eye-to-eye on. If you need a little more guidance on what to talk about, you can check out my book, The Couple’s Guide to Financial Compatibility. Also, make sure to get some time for yourself for date night – particularly a Financial Date Night. Make the investment for a babysitter to ensure some consistent quality time where you can have open, honest discussions on big-picture issues and long-term goals. For those really tough topics, you can use a trusted Financial Advisor to help you navigate the conversation.

I am a firm believer in investing in your future. Whether you invest in a book, a babysitter or your time, these investments go a long way to ensure your marital financial health. It’s when you make sure that you’re working together with your spouse that you build a strong and sure route to your financial independence.

[i] https://nypost.com/2017/08/03/the-reasons-most-couples-argue-about-money/

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual. To determine what is appropriate for you, consult a qualified professional.

Here’s a tip: Review your spending habits. It's really hard to mitigate or manage financial anxiety if you don't have a clear sense of your spending.

When talking with clients, questions that come up all the time are “Where's my money going? I don't know where all of our dollars go, we’re making a good income, but I don't know where it's going?”. To get cash flow will start answering that question. It will start reducing the anxiety in those particulars because we can't continue this path of “how do I fix this?”. That's what we do as Advisors – we train, and we help people fix and solve those particular problems. I always ask this question, where's my money going? But more importantly, is your money in sync with your financial why? And your financial why is customized, it's, what do you want it to be? And that could be financial independence.

I can tell you in the course of my 30 plus years I’ve sat down with many couples, individuals, and businesses and I've said, “Hey, congratulations, you now have financial independence”. In other words, you don't have to go to work anymore, work is now an option. You can still choose to go to work – you could change jobs, you can do whatever, but you don't need to anymore. You've built up enough that you can replace the income, enjoy the lifestyle that you want to enjoy, spend the time with family, friends, and loved ones that you want to do. And that comes from good planning on the front end and understanding that you can get there much faster if you work with a coach or work with an advisor and understand your cash flow.

It will be liberating once you go through that process, but it does require taking action. Here's some take actions on what you can do. There are the knowns and the unknowns.

In the knowns, we control whether we want to have a plan or not, we control whether we want to do cash flow and budget analysis, we control that reduction. If that's really your number one goal is to get debt-free well, then let's build a plan that makes you debt-free. We control how much is in our emergency fund; so that if we lose a job or income drops, maybe we've got adjustable income or we want to change jobs, we've got this money set aside so we don't have anxiety during that period. We control all those things. We control how much protection we have against risks; you know how much life insurance that we have if we have state documents that are there those are all known things. Now, here's an unknown, you don't what day you will leave this world. Do you have plans in place that make sure that loved ones are protected the way you'd like them protected? Again, you control these areas, these are all things that are in your control.

The one thing I'll say is even though we don't have control over the unknown, we always want to stay informed, especially around new laws and new rules. This is what Advisors do for a living. For instance, if you take money out and the market's down or maybe you took it out and it's taxable- now it bumped your taxes up.  It’s important to meet with your Advisor and to have a coach to help interpret these known rules that are probably unknown to most Americans.  It's probable these types of things will come up and once you pick a strategy, whatever that strategy is, you can't change it.

But you have to always ask yourself “Maybe this impacts me, and if I don't know about it, I'm not going to do anything prudent to help myself get on to financial independence”. If you do know about it and your Advisor knows about it, they're going to help you make good decisions that will work well for you in those areas. It's important to understand that there are unknowns out there, and you can plan your best for those unknowns, but it's important to accept that you never have full control of the unknown. So. think about what you do have control of, and make sure that you are making the best decisions for yourself, your family and your loved ones.