4 Ways to Take the Taboo Out of Talking About Money with Your Spouse

By
Jeff Motske, CFP®
November 26, 2018
Share on:

Money is a commonly held taboo topic, like politics and religion. We just don’t feel comfortable talking about them – especially to people we care about. That’s because these topics are tied closely to how we view ourselves. These topics also garner a lot of judgment, and the last thing we want is to be judged on something that we feel is intrinsically linked to our intelligence or sense of maturity. Yet, by practicing a few simple tips, we can start tackling the taboo topic of family finances and get on that path to financial independence.

Be Honest

It is human nature to want to hide things we may not be proud of or want to avoid. Perhaps you charged a bit too much to your credit cards or haven’t saved as much as you planned for all of your family’s goals. You may want to avoid addressing such issues, but those who are part of your financial household need to know the honest, unvarnished state of your finances. Trying to hide the facts will just compound your issues when they come to light – and they will.

Be Frequent

Don’t just talk about money when money is a problem. That’s when stress levels are high and emotions are frayed. What needs to be a level-headed discussion can quickly escalate into an emotional shouting match. Instead, conversations about finances should become routine. If you schedule a monthly financial date night with your spouse, the frequent exposure will minimize the surprise and anxiety from these talks. Ultimately, there will be fewer surprises and more planning to help when unexpected or hard decisions need to be made.

Be Open to Feedback

You and your spouse are a team. Teams succeed by working together towards the same goals. Teammates, though, don’t always see things the same way and may have different approaches to the same objective. That’s why it’s important to get your spouse’s input on how your finances are being managed. Not only does your spouse’s input ensure you’re working towards the same goals, but different perspectives can also provide multiple solutions to financial issues. Most importantly, your spouse feels heard and validated, which is a precious thing to give to the one you love.

Be Non-Judgmental

What causes many to shy away from discussing finances is the idea that they will be judged for things they did or did not do with their money. Did you mismanage your funds and refrain from saving sufficiently? Were you too risky with your investments or not risky enough to provide for the household? To avoid the judgment, most will just avoid talking about their finances all together, which doesn’t often have good outcomes. Avoidance doesn’t help financial situations – it often just prolongs the mess. To help your spouse open up, it is beneficial to allow them to speak openly and freely and to listen without judgment.

I do believe that it is imperative to take the taboo out of talking about money with your spouse. Both of you should foster frequent and honest financial discussions, free of strife and judgment. Doing these things will allow you to solidify yourselves as a strong financial team and set you on your path for collective financial independence.

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

You may also like:

By
Windus Fernandez Brinkkord, AIF®, CEPA
January 8, 2019

There are so many passwords that people need to remember these days. You have your online passwords, your wi-fi passwords, the passwords you use at work, and more. It can be enough to drive you crazy. By the time you think of yet another original password, you have forgotten the last one. It can be a little easier, however, if you follow the following Dos and Don’ts. DON’T use a password that is easy to guess. That means no password 123 or admin 2018. Don’t use something anyone could figure out, like your birthday, dog’s name, or your address. DO choose a password that only you could figure out, such as the embarrassing moment you never told anyone about or the name of the fish you overfed as a child.

DON’T share your password. Unless it is an account that you and your spouse share, there is no reason to give your account information to someone else. Remind your kids of this too. Many kids give their passwords to friends, which can lead to trouble down the line.

DO make sure your password has a combination of uppercase letters, lowercase letters, numbers, and special characters. Each website will have their own rules about what is required. Make sure it is at least six characters long, too, because length can contribute to the security of the password. For example, sTE”vE218 is a lot harder to crack then STEVE218. The trickier you can be the better.

DO use underscores or spaces. If the system will allow you to, this is a great choice. Not many people who are trying to guess a password will consider spaces or underscores. Trying to decide where you inserted them is even harder.

DON’T use the same password for multiple accounts. If someone is trying to steal your information and they figure out one password, you don’t want them to have the keys to your kingdom. It is much smarter to have a different password for each site to protect your assets.

DON’T make your password so difficult that you cannot remember it. If you notice a spider outside the window as you set your new work password and you make your password SPIDER875, there is a good chance that you will not remember it the next day. While the password has to be hard for other people to guess, it should be easy for you to remember.

DO have a password to protect your passwords. If you have all of your passwords saved to your computer and you are the only one that uses your computer, you can add a second layer of protection. Choose the option to have a password on your laptop. Then you can allow Google to save your passwords for each site you visit, but no one can access them because your laptop itself is password protected.

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

By
Jeff Motske, CFP®
April 17, 2019

Now, I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a fan of large tax refunds (see March 1 blog). In fact, if you are consistently getting a large tax refund, you should probably adjust your withholdings so you can dedicate that money to your financial why’s every paycheck. After all, allowing the IRS to hold your money is a bad investment. If you should find yourself receiving one, though, you may be wondering how best ways to use it. It’s only normal to be tempted to do some retail therapy or splurge on a fun experience. However, it’s best to see how you can get your money to work for you before giving in to that temptation.

The very first thing to consider is how much debt you have. Large amounts of debt, whether it be student loans, credit cards or other outstanding financial obligations, can cripple you from saving for your goals. Using your tax refund to pay down debt might be the very thing to get you closer to saving for your goals.

You also want to make sure to bulk up your emergency fund. An unplanned repair, medical expense or job termination can all cost a pretty penny. Without an emergency fund, we may feel tempted to use our credit cards to cover the unexpected expense. As I just mentioned earlier, this simply takes us farther from our goals. Ensuring that we have an adequate emergency fund can make sure that we stay on target regardless of what life may throw at us.

Your tax refund can also be used to work towards your financial independence. Maximize your contributions. If you don’t have a plan, establish one. A little money can go a long way with the help of time and compound interest. Remember: there is no do-over when it comes to saving for retirement, so be sure to do as much as you can now because that time will be here before you know it.

I understand that using your tax refund check to indulge in something today can be quite tempting. More often than not, though, these distractions simply take you off your path to financial independence. You need to make sure that you’re making the money you receive today work to build the life you want to live tomorrow.

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

Get Started on Your Financial Life Plan Today