4 Ways to Take the Taboo Out of Talking About Money with Your Spouse

By
Jeff Motske, CFP®
November 26, 2018
Share on:

Money is a commonly held taboo topic, like politics and religion. We just don’t feel comfortable talking about them – especially to people we care about. That’s because these topics are tied closely to how we view ourselves. These topics also garner a lot of judgment, and the last thing we want is to be judged on something that we feel is intrinsically linked to our intelligence or sense of maturity. Yet, by practicing a few simple tips, we can start tackling the taboo topic of family finances and get on that path to financial independence.

Be Honest

It is human nature to want to hide things we may not be proud of or want to avoid. Perhaps you charged a bit too much to your credit cards or haven’t saved as much as you planned for all of your family’s goals. You may want to avoid addressing such issues, but those who are part of your financial household need to know the honest, unvarnished state of your finances. Trying to hide the facts will just compound your issues when they come to light – and they will.

Be Frequent

Don’t just talk about money when money is a problem. That’s when stress levels are high and emotions are frayed. What needs to be a level-headed discussion can quickly escalate into an emotional shouting match. Instead, conversations about finances should become routine. If you schedule a monthly financial date night with your spouse, the frequent exposure will minimize the surprise and anxiety from these talks. Ultimately, there will be fewer surprises and more planning to help when unexpected or hard decisions need to be made.

Be Open to Feedback

You and your spouse are a team. Teams succeed by working together towards the same goals. Teammates, though, don’t always see things the same way and may have different approaches to the same objective. That’s why it’s important to get your spouse’s input on how your finances are being managed. Not only does your spouse’s input ensure you’re working towards the same goals, but different perspectives can also provide multiple solutions to financial issues. Most importantly, your spouse feels heard and validated, which is a precious thing to give to the one you love.

Be Non-Judgmental

What causes many to shy away from discussing finances is the idea that they will be judged for things they did or did not do with their money. Did you mismanage your funds and refrain from saving sufficiently? Were you too risky with your investments or not risky enough to provide for the household? To avoid the judgment, most will just avoid talking about their finances all together, which doesn’t often have good outcomes. Avoidance doesn’t help financial situations – it often just prolongs the mess. To help your spouse open up, it is beneficial to allow them to speak openly and freely and to listen without judgment.

I do believe that it is imperative to take the taboo out of talking about money with your spouse. Both of you should foster frequent and honest financial discussions, free of strife and judgment. Doing these things will allow you to solidify yourselves as a strong financial team and set you on your path for collective financial independence.

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

You may also like:

By
Mike Loo, MBA
September 28, 2017

The world of financial planning is so incredibly diverse. And so it is with financial professionals, as well. The challenge that most people have is that by not being familiar with the various types of advisors; styles, approaches, licenses, abilities, qualifications, etc., it makes it hard to know what questions to ask in order to formulate an opinion as to whom to work with. People tend to go with their “gut feelings” about someone. And while that certainly can be an indicator as to what kind of working relationship one might have with a particular financial professional, it is equally, if not more, important to have objective information at hand for that decision-making time, as well.

There are a few questions that advisors rarely get asked, but should be asked. Sometimes these questions get avoided because the person asking might not even realize these questions are important. Past experiences drive many of the questions people ask. But if the goal is to be as informed as possible, it’s important not to forget to ask these three questions:

Question #1: Are you a fiduciary? And how do you get paid?

Not all financial professionals are fiduciaries. There are various types of securities registrations a financial professional can acquire; some are simply registrations to sell certain products, some are registrations to give advice (as opposed to just suitable recommendations for product sales). In other words, some financial professionals are “Registered Representatives (RR)” who are affiliated with a broker/dealer, with some securities registrations that allow them to sell products. While some financial professionals are “Investment Advisor Representatives (IAR)” who are affiliated with a Registered Investment Advisory firm, who have a few more/different registrations that allow them to be fiduciaries within the advisory services they offer their clients. Some professionals are both a Registered Representative and an Investment Advisor Representative. Others are not. Many consumers don’t know the differences. Below is a very basic breakdown.

Responsibilities to Client:

IARs – Fiduciaries. Are legally bound to do what is in the best interest of their clients…above all else.

RRs – Are responsible for making sure the products they sell to their clients are suitable.

Primary Responsibility/Function:

IARs – Primary responsibility is as an advisor to their clients

RRs – Sell securities and handle sales transactions for their clients

Compensation:

IARs – Generally charge a flat % fee for advice surrounding assets under management (AUM)

RRs – Tend to be commission based. They get paid commissions for products they sell.

Compliance and Regulations:

IARs – Are associated with Registered Investment Advisory (RIA) firms that are regulated by the SEC and/or state regulatory agencies.

RRs – Are regulated by FINRA (Financial Industry Regulatory Authority), along with the SEC and other state regulatory agencies.

Question #2: What is your particular expertise?

Not all financial professionals have niche markets….or only specific types of clients that they work with. But it’s important to know if they do. Understanding what kind of experience and typical clients the advisor has is important to understanding what to expect from them in regards to knowledge and experience that is relatable. Knowing what kind of team they have, and what kind of experience the team as a whole has is important. What do they specialize in? What resources do they have access to?

Here are some examples:

Tax efficiency with investments

Protection Planning – Estate planning collaboration

Small business owners

Multi-generational planning

Etc.

Question #3: What is your ongoing service model?

Taking the initial steps to get things organized and onboard with a financial advisor can be activity-filled and very important. But equally important is the clear communication about expectations for moving forward. Understanding what to expect between the advisor and client is critical to insuring that communication and expectations are being managed positively for the relationship, from both sides.

How often does the advisor reach out to clients?

Is there a team to support clients? Or just one individual?

What can be expected in regards to calls? Meetings? Paperwork? Statements?

What method of communication is used? Phone calls, meetings, email, video conferencing, etc.?

How accessible is the advisor if the client has a question?

These are just a few questions that might prove important to ask when interviewing financial professionals. There is no generic right or wrong answer. At the end of the day, it’s all about understanding what the relationship would be, the expectations for the relationship for both the client and the advisor, and communication. Being logical with interviewing an advisor is critical…look for proof and conviction between what they say they do vs. what they can prove they do.

Our financial well-being is critical for empowering our lives….we work hard for the life we want. And there are almost always some form of financial element to all we do. So please, don’t be afraid to ask the intrusive questions of the advisors you are considering working with. It could mean a great deal to how life gets funded….now and through all ages.

By
Jeff Motske, CFP®
January 14, 2019

I am a big believer in personalization in all aspects of life. The road to your goals, financial or otherwise, is paved by the personalized steps you’re willing to take and in the direction you wish to work. Driving all of that should be more than an idea or a simple plan. What is needed is a personal mission statement. A mission statement creates a sense of purpose and authenticity that acts as a compass and drives all your decisions in the right direction.

When creating your mission statement, be sure to keep it brief. Just one to two sentences will do. Approach it the same way you would approach starting your own company, reflecting your goals, your dreams, and your values. At the same time, be sure that it extends beyond your professional life and encompasses your personal life and your lifetime goals as well. Once you have your personal mission statement, be sure to read it or recite it daily.

Lastly, make sure that your actions reflect your personal mission statement. Your mission statement is meaningless if you’re not committing action to it. If your statement reflects your family values, be sure to make time for your family. If your mission statement focuses on financial independence, make sure that you’re sticking to a budget and have an all-encompassing plan. Be sure what you’re doing reflects what you claim to value.

Life can move fast, and everyday decisions can distract from your long-term vision. To ensure that you stay true to what you value and on course with your goals, create a mission statement to act as your compass and ensure that your life truly reflects you.

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

Get Started on Your Financial Life Plan Today