4 Ways to Take the Taboo Out of Talking About Money with Your Spouse

By
Jeff Motske, CFP®
November 26, 2018
Share on:

Money is a commonly held taboo topic, like politics and religion. We just don’t feel comfortable talking about them – especially to people we care about. That’s because these topics are tied closely to how we view ourselves. These topics also garner a lot of judgment, and the last thing we want is to be judged on something that we feel is intrinsically linked to our intelligence or sense of maturity. Yet, by practicing a few simple tips, we can start tackling the taboo topic of family finances and get on that path to financial independence.

Be Honest

It is human nature to want to hide things we may not be proud of or want to avoid. Perhaps you charged a bit too much to your credit cards or haven’t saved as much as you planned for all of your family’s goals. You may want to avoid addressing such issues, but those who are part of your financial household need to know the honest, unvarnished state of your finances. Trying to hide the facts will just compound your issues when they come to light – and they will.

Be Frequent

Don’t just talk about money when money is a problem. That’s when stress levels are high and emotions are frayed. What needs to be a level-headed discussion can quickly escalate into an emotional shouting match. Instead, conversations about finances should become routine. If you schedule a monthly financial date night with your spouse, the frequent exposure will minimize the surprise and anxiety from these talks. Ultimately, there will be fewer surprises and more planning to help when unexpected or hard decisions need to be made.

Be Open to Feedback

You and your spouse are a team. Teams succeed by working together towards the same goals. Teammates, though, don’t always see things the same way and may have different approaches to the same objective. That’s why it’s important to get your spouse’s input on how your finances are being managed. Not only does your spouse’s input ensure you’re working towards the same goals, but different perspectives can also provide multiple solutions to financial issues. Most importantly, your spouse feels heard and validated, which is a precious thing to give to the one you love.

Be Non-Judgmental

What causes many to shy away from discussing finances is the idea that they will be judged for things they did or did not do with their money. Did you mismanage your funds and refrain from saving sufficiently? Were you too risky with your investments or not risky enough to provide for the household? To avoid the judgment, most will just avoid talking about their finances all together, which doesn’t often have good outcomes. Avoidance doesn’t help financial situations – it often just prolongs the mess. To help your spouse open up, it is beneficial to allow them to speak openly and freely and to listen without judgment.

I do believe that it is imperative to take the taboo out of talking about money with your spouse. Both of you should foster frequent and honest financial discussions, free of strife and judgment. Doing these things will allow you to solidify yourselves as a strong financial team and set you on your path for collective financial independence.

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

You may also like:

By
Mike Loo, MBA
March 1, 2018

Over the course of working with so many individuals and families, I’ve found that many people think financial planning, investing, and retirement planning are a sprint to the finish line. While on paper, maxing out your 401(k) each year and building an all-stock portfolio for maximum growth potential seems like a good plan, fast and big investing can actually slow down your progress to your goals. Let’s look at why.

The Dangers of Little Liquidity I always enjoy working with enthusiastic young couples who want to do everything in their power to reach their desired retirement. However, in the process of focusing on their long-term retirement goals, they neglect their short-term needs.

For many of my clients in their 20s and 30s, I may recommend contributing enough to their 401(k) to get the employer match, if one is offered, and contribute some of their paycheck to build an emergency fund and savings. This can help them avoid focusing so much on their long-term retirement goals that they neglect their short-term goals, from buying a house to paying off student loan debt. I generally recommend that my clients build a reserve fund that can cover three to six months’ worth of living expenses.

Dipping Your Toes In Versus Diving Head First

I said it earlier but I’ll say it again; investing and financial planning is a marathon, not a sprint. I’d much rather be the tortoise—slow yet steady and consistent—than the hare—fast yet unpredictable—when it comes to my investing strategy.

One of the more underrated strategies for financial security is making consistent and periodic contributions to your portfolio over a long period of time. As I mentioned earlier, younger individuals and families may not have the income yet to max out their 401(k), but they can make consistent contributions and increase them over time as their income increases. Like the tortoise, saving for retirement and other long-term goals is all about perseverance and consistency, even if it is at a slower pace.

It’s easy to let emotions get in the way, and many investors fall prey to the newest investment strategy that claims a higher return on investment. But the fact of the matter is, there is no controlling or predicting the market. I tell my clients that instead of focusing on what they can’t control, it’s helpful to focus on what they can control: the capital they invest.

Whether the markets are high or low, consistent contributions can have a powerful long-term effect. Additionally, maintaining a well-diversified portfolio and rebalancing if needed each year can help ensure your portfolio matches the appropriate level of risk you’re willing to take. Adhering to this motto and disciplined strategy can help you avoid the common trap investors fall into: buying high and selling low, and chasing high returns.

The Risks of Aggressive Investing

Too often, financial advisors tell young individuals in their 20s and 30s to keep close to 100% of their portfolio in stocks. The theory is that young investors have decades to ride out volatility and make up for any lost returns. While this may work for some individuals, I’ve had a number of younger clients who don’t feel comfortable taking such risks, even if they have decades to try to make up for losses.

Investing entirely in stocks isn’t necessarily the way to go, even if it makes sense on paper. It’s nearly impossible to entirely remove emotions from investing. Too often, I’ve seen investors give up when their portfolio takes a big hit. They lose motivation to keep investing, and they struggle to keep their eyes on the finish line of their long-term goals.

Incorporating investments, like bonds, that offer lower returns and lower risk, may help you feel more confident in your portfolio and avoid the rollercoaster of emotions if your portfolio takes a hit during a downturn.

Next Steps

Like the tortoise and the hare, fast investments don’t mean you’ll reach the finish line first. While it can be difficult, it’s important to tune out the noise of the media and focus instead on what strategies make sense for your unique situation, risk tolerance, and short and long-term goals. While not as exciting, I believe slow and steady can win the race, and without as many speed bumps along the way.

As an independent financial advisor, my mission is to make a meaningful impact on the lives of my clients and the people they love. I help families make informed decisions with their money and pursue a strong financial future. If you’re interested in learning more about balancing your short and long-term goals, I encourage you to reach out to me. Call my office at (949) 221-8105 x 2128, or email me at michael.loo@lpl.com.

By
Rebecca DeSoto, CDFA®
September 18, 2017

Generally, people purchase life insurance because they have a spouse or child they want to protect financially in case they pass away. But, there are several other reasons to buy life insurance that can benefit more than just those who need to protect their family. One of those benefits is accumulating tax-deferred, tax-free, cash value.  Just like a Roth IRA, the cash value in a permanent life insurance policy can grow on a tax-deferred status and be accessed tax-free, but without the consequence of incurring a 10% penalty if accessed before attaining age 59.5. “Living Benefits”, also known as “Accelerated Benefit Riders” are another advantage of life insurance other than the death benefit. As the name suggests, “living benefits” can be utilized in certain circumstances by the policy holder without passing away.

Common living benefits allow the policy holder to access all or some of the death benefit of their policy to help provide managed care if they are diagnosed with a critical or chronic illness. ABRs originated in the 80s and 90s when companies called “viaticals” found a market for purchasing life insurance policies from people that were very sick who realized they needed money now to help pay their medical bills more than their beneficiaries needed the death benefit. The insurance industry realized what was happening and started adapting policies to include Accelerated Benefit Riders to help their consumers get access to expensive medical care, outside of what health care would cover, while they were sick.

Living Benefits that are common today are terminal, chronic and critical illness or critical injury riders. It is important to talk to your advisor and read the fine print when considering different insurance policies because riders can differ significantly between insurance companies and policies. Terminal illness riders will allow the insured to accelerate a portion of their death benefit, tax-free if they are diagnosed with a terminal illness. Some companies require a diagnosis of 24 months or less to live while others require 12 months or less to live. A chronic illness rider is generally triggered when the insured has a long-term illness in which they are unable to perform two of the six “Activities of Daily Living” including eating, dressing, toileting, transferring, bathing, and maintaining continence. Some companies structure these riders to pay a large benefit upfront and some will provide a much smaller amount but spread over a long period of time. Lastly, critical illness/injury can include many things – heart attacks, stroke, cancer, brain trauma, severe burns etc. and the amount of benefit that is paid out depends on how critical the injury/illness is and how much it will affect the insured’s life span.

Because medicine and medical technology have advanced so rapidly, people are living much longer lives than they used to live. The US Census Bureau reports that at least 70% of people over age 65 will require some long-term care at some point in their lives . In 2014, the annual rate for a skilled nursing facility was $95,707 .  Because traditional, stand-alone Long-Term Care policies can be incredibly expensive, utilizing life insurance can be a great way to build assets throughout your income-earning years that are earmarked for advanced medical costs later on and can protect yourself and your loved ones from unknown health scares.

Riders are additional guarantee options that are available to an annuity or life insurance contract holder. While some riders are part of an existing contract, many others may carry additional fees, charges and restrictions, and the policy holder should review their contract carefully before purchasing. Guarantees are based on the claims paying ability of the issuing insurance company. Withdrawals from the policy may result in the reduction of the death benefit.

  1. US Census Bureau, American Community Survey 2013
  2. Univita Cost of Care Survey, Feb 2014

Get Started on Your Financial Life Plan Today